Tuesday, November 3, 2009
hey guys,
its been some time yea,i have been keeping stuff to myself cuz i find tat even a blog is not a place to say anything i want.But i woke up in e middle of e night and feel lyk blogging.I don't know why sometimes i just can't open myself to ppl,to anyone,i just cant tell them about anything,maybe its cuz i had a lonely childhood?i didnt have people to communicate with,even my parents, they were out for work b4 i wake up,and they get home after i fall aslp.So i didn't really have the skills to make frens with strangers.To add on to tat,i have tis "hard to approach" face or somtin,just dont look frenly when i dont smile la,and i cant reli b who i am in front of people cuz i am not comfortable,cuz im afraid to lose them.
What kind of a person am i....really..
i guess im actually just a guy who behaves according to wad type of frens im with now,just to entertain and accommodate them,whether its a gangster or geek,emo,dog,cat or mouse,i try my best to think like u.And if,u are one of the little(little as in lesser,nt dwarves or wadeva xD) ppl who actually i feel comfortable to hang out with,who laughs at the same stuff at me,cuz i find some things funny,and people will think im crazy,frens reading tis,u might find me giggling to myself sometimes,im not crazy,jus having a funny thought that i thought that u thought wasn't funny at all.I sometimes hate myself for who i am,mainly is bcuz ppl misunderstand me so easily,assuming im some1else =/ ,but i only have myself to blame,I am very..VERY..sensitive to what ppl think about me,and wad they comment about me,i usually rmb their comments like forever,thou i may look as if i dont care,but stuff u said might have jus carved into my heart.
Self esteem
I have a very low self esteem,really,i may have lied anytime in my life but not now k.I used to "hang out" outside my father's shop when i was little,playing alone,i rmb tis time,i rmb-ed it so vividly,my brother was at my father's shop too,and he played with me,and then the kids at the other shop made frens with my bro,and when i went closer to talk to them,dey moved BACK...i was like..huh??..but now when i tink of it..im like..WTF?!?,bcuz i had some skin probs when i was young,and dey kinda despised me or somtin,wow,and i still feel the pain now,while typing it down.
My brothers
I have 2 brothers,they both have Godparents,so they were always living with them when i was young,and i didnt have any godparents,who wud wanna b a godparent of tis dark skinned chinese baby rite?
Well,basically i had 2 bros but didnt reli play with them much,and when i got older,lyk pri sch,they jus kept bullying me,i dont know but they think that my mum is treating them biasedly and i was a little asshole or somthing,but my mum worked/play mahjong most of the time,i didnt spent my time making her like me more or wad,i jus rmb my eldest bro slapped me all the time,my 2nd bro pushed me around,commanding me to do stuff,but ultimately their still my brothers,so they are quite gud at times and mayb i wasn't being a gud little bro i guess.
erm,enough talking about the past xD,btw i didnt get into the sheng siong tin,gratsz once again to Feng Yao and clara,gud luck to u guys,hope u guys can start fufilling ur dreams,but i got into another singing compy called "Youth Got Talent" but only to the semi finals,haha,no1 to blame,i screwed up the song myself,i just got so nervous i was shaking away,HAHA,,LOSER!,but still,at least i experienced it and i wil do betta nex tym,and my sound card mates fadzly,shikin and joshua got into the finals,out of 6 ppl,im really proud to have such club mates,all the best for the upcoming finals guys xD
Oh oh,these few days i have been trying to slim down,and it is so tiring and torturing,i was watching my classmates eating today,and im eating apples,and i even ate a rotten part,yayness to my suayness.wellll,i have been jogging the past 2 days,and doing some exercise xD,i will continue jogging and exercising but i guess i will still eat!..WOO...YES...GIVING UP FEELS GOOD!..WAHAHAHA...YAY!..BYE..
i've been harsh,but ur being cruel
i'm here on 2:38 AM
